My flight back to LA is in about six hours. I''ll take my dad to lunch (he's requested mcdonald's, but it feels strangely appropriate for reasons I might explain later) and then go visit mom & then take public transport out to Hopkins (international airport).
It's a surprise to discover that I'm quite ambivalent about my return to LA. Recently I read an article in an alumni magazine written by a fellow toisan chinese currently enrolled at my alma mater (go blue!). This person spent his summer doing two internships, one in Sarajevo (sp?) and also one in D.C. in the State Department where all his fellow interns were pretty much all local kids with high powered D.C. connections while he (like me) is the child of chinese immigrants who've been in the restaurant business. He's not even able to explain to his parents what he did during his internships - his conversations with his parents revolve around topics like how to make rice porridge or the antics of his brother. His goal is to be able to influence foreign policy on immigration but the best he can do is explain to his parents that he wants to be a teacher. My experience has been similar for decades, and it's been the cause of a lot of frustration. It wasn't much different the past few days, but I feel more connected in a way I hadn't anticipated. Hence the ambivalence; before I left, friends had asked me what my goals were and, having anticipated a lot of drama that failed to materialize, my response was mainly survival. I guess the best way I have to describe it now is that I have closure - whatever that means.
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