I Went Home

...and I also returned home, back to LA last night.

In my last post, I was wrapping up a visit to see my parents, and completely unaware that the most significant part of the visit had yet to occur.

After treating Dad to both lunch and dinner for his 95th birthday, Dad told me that he wanted to buy me lunch - at McDonald's. The place happened to be on the same street where a place called Red Barn was located - a one off burger joint that was the defacto place to go the few times we went out to eat. It was like coming full circle.

My Dad & I had already spoken a number of times about selling the house and his moving to Milwaukee, but I knew I had to make it clear that I wasn't going to move back to CLE so my Dad could continue to live in the place he'd called home for the last 48 years. So I simply told him that I knew he wanted to stay in Cleveland, but I wasn't going to move back to Cleveland to take care of him. He asked me why.  I had planned to bring up an incident in the past where my father's sister & brother in law demanded that he quit his job and go back to work for them doubling or tripling his commute time - and he'd refused - but I just simply said that I couldn't. He paused for a moment, and then began talking about all the unknowns he'd be facing with the impending move; various ways he'd be giving up his independence, not having a car, having my sister cash his SS check and give him an allowance. All I could do was respond with an occasional soft: "I know." and just keep listening. Eventually, he went on a rant about all the lip service he'd experienced from well meaning people in town offering to help with none of them following through. Again, I just listened. I'd like to think Dad could see the empathy expressed on my face - but elderly Chinese tend not to look at the person they're talking to when the topic is a serious one. After the rant ended, he asked me how long I'd lived in LA, and I told him 29 years. He paused for a bit. I hope it's not some sort of chinese curse; he then wished me good luck when I went back to LA and we hugged.

I'm not sure what to make of this. I know for sure that I heard my Dad talk about his fears for the first time. I'd like to think that he knows that I listened to and heard him. And that is huge. I'd also like to think that he accepted my choice and sent me back to LA to live my life with his blessing. I guess we'll see.