I wish I could have successfully shared with my parents the non selfish reasons for wanting to be back. Actually, even sharing the selfish reasons might have been cathartic.
1) the diversity - being a minority among so many other minorities out here makes it easier to feel like I fit in here,Then there's the food - access to ingredients (domestic and foreign), fresh produce prices, the ability to try so many different ethnic cuisines. It turns out that the area of southern California where I reside is home to the largest and most diverse assortment of regional Chinese cuisines outside of China. Five years ago I began exploring and visiting these restaurants weekly. I've managed to visit maybe 25% of the 800+ different Chinese restaurants in the area as I've since diversified to include Korean & Mexican cuisines nearby in east LA as well as Koreatown.
2) the weather. 'nuff said.
3) the dancing. As my dance background includes ballroom, west coast swing, salsa, blues, etc. It's possible for me not only just to find some place to dance that night, I can also typically find a place to do so to live music, especially in the summer.
4) the music. listening, performing, teaching, the last providing a nice segue to less selfish reasons I'm reluctant to leave LA:
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The teaching: I'm currently providing instruction in piano, guitar & violin to a number of students. I'm also tutoring at a local para-school tutoring where my mentor has noted that I'm often counseling my students as much as tutoring them when I get assigned students whose parents, in a fit of anger, are screaming F-bombs at their kids, or have apparent separation anxiety in relation to their mothers, etc. I'm also tutoring chess as part of an after school program. One teacher has noted that two of the students are autistic but there's little evidence of that in their behavior as they concentrate on chess. Other kids respond to seemingly insignificant things like remembering their name.
My working with the homeless. I've invested 7-8 years developing relationships with some of the people who show up - not only have I become a friend/confidant, I've been befriended by them as well. My current living situation is a result of one of the homeless knowing of my need to find housing and bringing a specific ad to my attention with a comment along the lines of a feeling that this is somehow meant to be. A person who used to come to dinner got an interstate job driving trucks. He plans to build up a stake so that he can quit, move back to LA, buy a car so he can Uber/Lyft to make a living - and come back and help volunteer on Tuesday nights.
The bottom line is that I am now consciously embracing the idea that I'm here to make a difference - and that's going to continue in ways I can't even imagine at this point as I make a conscious effort to break the pattern of behavior that's prompted me to stifle myself. That topic deserves its own post.
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