The Blessing

As described in the Old Testament of the Scriptures, a blessing was typically bestowed from fathers onto their children acknowledging their passage from adolescence to adulthood. The content of such a blessing typically included elements such as a prediction/expectation of that child's future. These predictions were based on the father's perception/understanding of the unique strengths of that child, which were identified as part of the prediction/prophecy.

The part about identifying, focusing on and commending each child's uniqueness/gifting intrigues me; shaming typically involves identifying and focusing on shortcomings where an individual's talent/skill falls short when compared to some other individual (chosen for the purpose of emphasizing the degree to which the original person misses the mark). Moreover, the strength of this shaming message is enhanced by emotional abandonment, and the effect is again enhanced for those who live according to a holistic/community world view, because the message is not only have they failed as individuals, they have failed the community/family to which they belong, appealing to a sense of honor.   

Simply put, a blessing affirms each individual's uniqueness as a strength while shaming condemns uniqueness by reframing the perspective so that uniqueness reflects how an individual falls short in some way and this is considered an irreconcilable fault. 

This is particularly relevant to me as I received a lot of shaming messages throughout my life and that took its toll. I spent the vast majority of my life being painfully aware of how many standard deviations I am from what's considered the mean of mainstream in terms of aptitude, interests, ethnicity, etc. - which prompted my 15 year sabbatical from life seeking a life sheltered from the pain I'd been carrying, and it wasn't until I ran out of money and was forced to re-enter the world that I learned to be comfortable with who I am and to begin to strive for things I want. (If only I'd had less money?)

The point is that for those of you who've never been blessed by your parents, and never will be, there are ways to recover from that lack in your life and become able to move forward. Those of you who *are* parents, you may want to examine what you've been emphasizing and take steps as needed. If you haven't emphasized a lot of comparisons, that's great, but if you also haven't emphasized much affirmation of a child's unique strengths, omission is as bad as commission. It will never be too late.