I have a few favorite TV shows: Breaking Bad, Spooks (MI-5), Wiseguy, Life, Homicide (and its cable successor) The Wire, and 24. I was watching the end of season eight of "24". last night and even though I know he's a fictional character, I got caught up in the emotion and I found myself thinking something along the lines of: "after all he does, this is his reward; he doesn't get to win."
I suddenly realized that the sadness I was feeling for myself. Deep down, I still have a belief about myself that I don't get to 'win', whatever that means. And that belief is self-fulfilling. The reality is that I've identified a tendency towards self-sabotage a long time ago. I just didn't understand how deep the roots are for this and how it still affects me. The way I see it, I have short/long term goals:
- I need to be able to identify when that is affecting my thinking and decision making processes.
- Figure out where it comes from and retrain myself to think differently.
This is not going to be fun, but it needs to be done.
No comments:
Post a Comment