Lucky Hank

 is the name of a cable TV series starring Bob Odenkirk. The character he portrays, Hank Devereaux, lives a life that has been affected by a single traumatic event in his life involving his father who left him and his mother for another woman. The impact of the event is compounded by Hank's trying to hang himself in response, only to have the fixture the rope is attached to come loose from the ceiling, resulting in a loud crash with Hank on the floor with the rope around his neck where his father finds him. However, his father just turns and leaves without saying a word, followed by his mother coming into the room, putting her arms around him and saying: "we'll never speak of this again".

The father, who has had a successful career as an author which Hank has tried to emulate, retires and Hank is told by his mother that his father intends to return and live in their small town. Hank understandably struggles with this, but eventually decides to meet with his father and hopefully achieve some closure. It turns out that the father has dementia and doesn't even recognize Hank. 

I've just finished watching the episode where this occurs, and there's some serious harmonic emotional resonance going on here given the relationship I had with my mother and her developing dementia as well, making it impossible to achieve a sense of closure with a lot of angst I've carried around all my life. But rather than "devolve" into some sort of self-pity, I'd rather ponder what alternatives are available for anyone who carries similar baggage and seeks to find a way to let go of it and move forward without it. 

It seems to me that a lot of people cope with these kinds of things by adopting addictive behaviors, and 12 step programs seem to be a viable if not the only proven successful alternative to dealing with these coping mechanisms, that is to say, that healing comes in community. But there's no obvious way to find a safe community to achieve this; we're all broken people and the main issue seems to be the level of denial each individual has about their brokenness. And the goal isn't just reaching some sort of wholeness, but to go beyond and help others in their struggles.

I don't remember the exact quote anymore, but essentially, it seems to me a healthy approach would include a mindset that embraces the idea that people are waiting for us to overcome our adversities.