Salt

 I originally began this a couple of years ago in a different blog, but never posted it. here it is.

 What does it mean to be salt in a biblical sense? We know salt is a mineral: sodium chloride, NaCl (more on that later). What makes it special? It's one of several dozen nutrients we need to survive. Unlike fat, we can't store it in excessive quantities so we have to replenish/consume it regularly,
In biblical period context, salt had sufficient value that it was used as a form of payment of wages - the word 'salary' derives from the word salt, as does the word 'salad' - a reference to how romans seasoned their vegetables/ leafy greens with salt.

Asides from being a currency and a seasoning, salt was also used as a preservative due to it being a powerful antibacterial substance. But it was also used as a weapon; the Assyrians began the military practice of salting the earth to inhibit plant root growth in conquered territories. (Interestingly, it was only recently discovered in the last ten years that there's an inner layer of tissue in the branching roots that anchor the plant which is sensitive to salt and activates a stress hormone, which stops root growth. This is a plant's 'fight or flight' response to a dangerous situation, in this case a dangerous environment.) Others used this characteristic of salt to punish or curse those judged of treason by dumping salt onto their lands. Salt also has anti-inflammatory properties and can be used in number of other different restorative ways. The point is that salt's presence can be used to promote growth, inhibit decay or to inhibit growth, as well as season food.  Therefore, care should be exercised in how we present ourselves as salt.

Having recently read the cookbook Salt Fat Acid Heat I've been prompted to focus the remainder of this essay on the impact of salt on food as a seasoning, as this seems to be the most likely quality that would occur to the typical believer. First off, it should be noted that it *is* possible to over-salt food as well. So care should be taken in how we 'season' our surroundings.  

The cookbook author Samin Nosrat points out that the primary purpose of salt in cooking is to amplify flavor. Salt has a greater impact on flavor than any other ingredient. But this doesn't necessarily mean *more* salt. It means to be more judicious in the how and when and in what form. Fortunately, humans are hardwired to crave salt, so it's seldom seen as an intrusion when salt is added. And by enhancing flavor, it increases the amount of pleasure we experience as we eat. 

This begs the question: does being salt imply an increase of pleasure/joy for everyone in our surroundings? I'm reminded of a plaque on the wall of a coworker's cubicle which stated: "Everyone brings joy to this place. Some by arriving, others by leaving." In this context, if we are to be salt, our use should be guided by enhancing/deepening flavor/pleasure/joy. Perhaps we can be guided by some principles in how salt can be used in enhancing flavor in cooking. To do that, we need to understand some facts about salt.

The properties of salt are influenced by its point of origin, which results in different categories of salt which refer to the size of the grain and other minerals which may be present in the salt. Some of these categories include:

1) table salt - usually mined from underground, fine grained. often iodized, resulting in a somewhat metallic taste;

2) sea salt - made from evaporated sea water. typically the largest crystals retaining various combinations of minerals which give it a more complex flavor profile. sea salts break down into sub categories including: smoked salt, hawaiian salt(s). fleur de sel, celtic salt, flake, etc. It's generally a misuse of these salts to dissolve them in water - they should be used as finishing salts so their texture also figures into the overall result. refined  granular sea salt, OTOH, can and should be used to season foods from within - either by absorption or in boiling water.

3) rock salt - mined from underground, resulting in various categories such as:
a) kosher salt - actually, originally referred to as "koshering" salt, it's original use was in jewish culture to help draw blood out of meat to make it 'kosher', typically free of other minerals. probably the most popular salt used in the culinary industry. There are two (2) major brands Diamond Crystal & Morton's, and their characteristics are so different that it actually makes a difference as to which one is used; Morton's is twice as dense and as a consequence is almost twice as salty in the same volume. Diamond Crystal, OTOH dissolves twice as quickly. The more quickly a salt dissolves, the less likely you are to overseason with it; often, you don't need to add more salt as much as you need more time to allow the present salt to dissolve.
b) himalayan salt - contains 84 different minerals found in the human body;
c) curing salt - used to remove toxins from meat, often dyed to distinguish it from table salt; 
d) pretzel salt - used exclusively as a finishing salt for pretzels. the rectangular shape helps it stick to the egg wash;
e) black salt - fired in a furnace with other ingredients and then sealed/aged;

The point is the understand that salt's contribution to flavor is multidimensional; besides having its own particular taste, it enhances other flavors. Used properly, it balances acidity /sweetness, minimizes bitterness, adds texture, etc. But you need to know the properties of the salt being used to achieve optimal results. This begs another question or two: are we each an unique type of salt based on uniqueness of our origin and history? As such, do we have a specific/unique purpose acting as salt? This ties in to the concept of being different parts of the body. Being different types of salt actually amplifies the analogy. If each of us does have a unique set of characteristics as salt, then it follows that each of us also has a unique set of circumstances where our ability to bring about positive influence is enhanced by the amount of grace we each receive individually.  If this is so, then a lot of profound concepts accompany this idea. 

The Fires, The Aftermath

 It's been a month since the fires burned down nearby neighborhoods and while my domicile was largely unaffected except for the air/water quality, I find myself in a state of emotional disequilibrium that seems to have lingered.

While I have friends (and former friends) and acquaintances who lost their homes, I found myself being more concerned about those already living outdoors (which seems to be the currently popular/trendy way to describe the homeless). There was initial pandemic kind of vibe as many businesses closed (some temporarily some permanently) which served in various ways as an oasis in terms of providing food/shelter/a means of recharging their phones, etc. It's been cold as it typically is at this time of year, but there was also the hazard associated with smoke inhalation; the smoke was so thick it obscured my view of the San Gabriel mountains less than 10 miles to the north. Perhaps experiencing those vibes attenuated my sense of the unease I've experienced with the advent of the pandemic. 

At present I attribute the unease to how the pandemic and other factors have contributed to my sense of isolation. I used to DJ weekly at dance venue in Burbank, and I was often there on other nights of the week and the location became my de facto venue for dancing as well as enjoying live music acts. I've had to deal with that loss for over four years now. And even though a lot of the pandemic restrictions have been lifted or otherwise discarded, the work schedule I adopted with electing to work nights has disrupted my ability to attend other venues I might otherwise patronize.  

At the same time, I became more mindful of how isolated a lot of the homeless are and a convergence of events and incidents has given birth to a sense (which I may have actually deliberately suppressed) I need to be more intentional in developing deeper/mentoring relationships with those who actively desire such.

There's a selfishness that makes me want to resent sacrificing activities I vastly prefer which involve music and dance - activities that are currently rare enough to make them seem that much more precious a sacrifice to make - in order to accommodate their schedules because I feel like I already feel the lack more acutely because of the extroversion in my personality - and it's even more selective because it's not just being involved in music or being where there's dancing, but also the type of music (and musicians) as well as the type of dance/dance community involved. It's difficult to explain and I expect any attempt would come off as being snobbish in some way that would just make it worse.

There's also some current dissatisfaction with my current night job for which I am grossly overqualified. One of my coworkers calls me the professor and tells everyone who will listen that I'm the smartest person in the building. I've been contemplating quitting and just paying the COBRA amount until November when I would be eligible for Medicare and taking more hours tutoring. I've also applied for a tutoring position that would pay a lot more an hour. So I'd have more free time *and* a better sleep schedule. 

Tutoring

I actually started this back in 2023 and never got back to it since I had no ending point. Now I do.
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Earlier this week I had the chance to tutor a student I hadn't seen for a number of years. I became his de facto tutor because he was enrolled in an Chinese enrichment program (he's Caucasian) and was trying to learn Chinese and I was the only tutor even remotely qualified to help him with his homework (which I actually couldn't do, but I devised some strategies to help him learn how to identify characters, etc.). 

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he's now about a foot taller than the last time I tutored him. Then history repeated itself as it turned out that he needed tutoring in a pre-calculus class and was working on doing conversions of angle measurements using degrees, arcs & radians, something I was ill-equipped to deal with as I haven't studied since trigonometry class in high school & I had to do a little internet review on the fly while my student was working on his homework to get caught up. My high school course material used some different terminology so I had to figure out the terminology being used by his textbook. Fortunately, before the session was over not only was I able to help him but I came up with a formula that allowed him to do conversions by creating equal ratios:

Radians/ 2 Pi = Degrees/360 = Arc / 2 Pi R (circumference)

which allowed him to cross multiply and derive the missing variable in the equation. 

What's memorable about this is that after the session I felt an emotion that was unusual for me; I actually felt good about being smart. I'm sure I need to clarify this. 

When prompted, I describe myself as painfully intelligent and it reflects how I feel about my intelligence most of the time, as it's contributed a lot to the sense of loneliness that I've experienced most of my life. Intelligence as defined by the makers of certain tests as being innate reasoning ability. And I also seem to be able to discern relationships between facts which allow me to identify causalities and draw conclusions that are eventually confirmed to be accurate, but I can't seem to explain how I got there to others. After a while I learned to stop verbalizing my observations as the typical responses were usually some combination of disbelief and laughter prompted by what I learned to understand was insecurity.

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segue to 2025:

I dawdle on youtube much more than I probably should, though to be fair I seem to spend a fair amount of time identifying channels which I find completely uninteresting. Today a UCLA site had a video on volleyball GOAT Karch Kiraly (the international volleyball association named him the best volleyball player ever in the last 100 years). He left competitive volleyball playing at the age of 46 (!) and went into coaching and now coaches the (US) women's Olympic team. Despite all of his success, the last sequence of the video has Karch talking about the importance of living a happy life and he cites the influence of Dennis Prager's Happiness Is a Serious Problem on the importance of gratitude:

"If you're not grateful, you can not lead a reasonably happy life. So I'm incredibly grateful for the chance to coach this team. run this program, to work with lots of quality people and we're working on ways to bring out the best in every single person in this program."

And I am grateful that I can do the same tutoring whether it's coursework or ISEE/HSPT/SAT/ACT test prep. I do consider the irony that I have this opportunity only because I'm mentally agile - but it's equally poignant that the most I have to contribute has little to do with me as much as it is recognizing what causes anxiety in my students, dealing with it while we discover what the best version of who they are really is - which is not to be a mirror image in how my mind works.

The Bear

 is/was:
- one of the address names i used for a few email accounts some 30 years ago. what i didn't know that it was also apparently part of gay vernacular at the time and a few people thought i was broadcasting an alternative life choice at the time. i thought i'd mention that just because;
- the name of a cable series centered around a chef trying to open a restaurant in the chicago area. the chef in question is trying to revitalize a place run by his older brother who has committed suicide ;

this post has to do with the second clause. i decided to binge watch season two to get caught before i watch season 3 which i downloaded earlier this yearbut haven't made the time to watch yet.

the episode in the series that prompts this post is episode 6 which centers around a family christmas dinner in the past where the now deceased brother is still alive and the main character has returned from from doing a stage in copenhagen (ostensibly at noma, but they don't explicitly say so).

the matriarch of the family is played by jamie lee curtis (who is amazing in her role) who is apparently bipolar, alcholic or both. the stepfather is bob odenkirk (better call saul). i admit that i was surprised that the series managed to get two heavy hitters like that to guest star in this episode.

my attempts to describe the episode would not do it credit. i will say that it resonates for me in part because i am more or less estranged from my immediate family, but IIRC the reviews of the episode when it was first released were all suggesting emmy nominations for the episode. 

anyway, find a way to watch the episode, especially with the holiday season approaching. 

Unforgotten II/What A Day

Just finished the fifth season of the series, and the villain is portrayed completely unsympathetically. But he is imprisoned based on the false testimony of one of the descendants of the people he's mistreated badly over the years. And so the season/story line ends.

The story is written so artfully it's a challenge to see the actions leading to imprisonment as the act of a vigilante. A person who's committed a pattern of abusive and narcissistic behavior for decades resulting serious emotional trauma/damage over generations of a wronged person and has used their position and power to avoid recompense finally gets punished. It feels so right somehow. But it's not. 

It occurs to me that it feels right in large part because it seems that the damage and hurt will always be a part of who they are. And because of that, punishment deserves to be enacted. But those who believe are told:

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I confess that in my struggle to overcome the coping mechanisms I'd developed to deal with the pain I've carried around, I'd lost sight this promise. I've wasted a lot of time mourning over missed opportunities, financially and relationally. Fortunately, Phil Keaggy reminded me in the first song of his first album he cut in 1973 (both titled "What A Day". I spent most of my high school years listening to that album trying to play a lot of his songs (not realizing that there was a lot of serious overdubbing going on!) .

"When we get Home, our Eternal Home

There'll be no more sick and dying
No one is sad, no one is alone
And there will be no more crying
He will wipe away every tear
From His children's eyes
And put a smile upon their faces
What a happy day when we see
Our Lord in Paradise"

I'm prompted to review all the tunes/lyrics on that first album, and I'm struck by how clearly Phil Keaggy both understood and was able to articulate that understanding in the songs he wrote. And as he's said: "So many years. I still believe."   For me, it might be more appropriate to say: "So many years, so much I never understood about what I thought I believed."

Unforgotten

is the name of a fictional British TV series that follows a team of London detectives that solve cold cases involving disappearance & murder. Part of the appeal of the series comes from as how the murder mystery unfolds, the emotional ramifications of the crime on the lives of those affected (including the detectives investigating the crime) are also explored. 

This post is prompted from having binge watched season two. The story starts with the discovery of the body of someone reported missing for over 25 years. The person was murdered. Interwoven into the story are seemingly unconnected characters who are gradually revealed to have some relationship with the victim: a teacher trying to move up in the system despite a poor academic history, a homosexual barrister in the process of trying to adopt a young girl who is struggling with anger issues, and a nurse who has problems maintaining relationships and boundaries at work as well as at home. It turns out that in this case, these characters are all victims themselves - of sexual abuse - who met each other while getting psychiatric care. They end up forming a pact to kill each other's abusers. The murder victim is one of the three abusers. The lead detective manages to find evidence that all three abuse victims knew each other at the time their abusers were killed, and then finds them together meeting to discuss their situation. The lead detective is conflicted as to what constitutes justice in this situation; they're still experiencing symptoms of their trauma which are in their own way much more punitive than incarceration, and each of these victims are in vocations which help the less fortunate, so rehabilitation isn't an issue either. The lead detective decides to drop the case.  

My initial response prompting this post was to make an observation about the damage a lot of us carry and how that influences our daily behavior and how important it is that we remember that these people need to feel safe before they can begin any sort of meaningful healing process. But from a Biblical standpoint: "Vengeance is mine! I will repay!" is pretty unequivocal, yet I found myself sympathizing/empathizing with the abuse victims and not categorizing them as vigilantes. I suppose this was the intent of the writers of the show. The vigilantes are abuse victims and the abusers are viewed solely from the viewpoint of their victims.

I was violated/penetrated in a different way - yet I experienced justice of a sort when my attacker was convicted of premeditated attempted murder but she was also found to be insane so instead of incarceration, she was committed to a mental hospital and it's expected that she won't ever be released as the risk of liability would be extreme if she were to attack someone else. 

I'm a big Tolkien fan, and what Frodo said near the end of The Lord of the Rings as he forgives Saruman for corrupting the Shire has always stuck with me:

"...He is fallen, and his cure is beyond us; but I would still spare him, in the hope that he may find it."

and it pretty much encapsulates my attitude about the person who attacked me. It would probably help to explain that when someone is mourning a loss, what I usually say to them is that I hope that God gives them an answer that they can accept as the typical response is to ask why some perceived calamity has occurred. My answer for my assailant was that she'd been hurt herself and was merely displacing her anger onto me. 

But back to the original thought: regardless of how sympathetic the story of the vigilante, it's still wrong.

Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone

Preamble: Jesse Stone is a fictional character created by the late Robert B. Parker who wrote a series of detective novels. Tom Selleck has starred as Jesse Stone in a series of movies adapted from Parker's novels. The first movie chronologically (it was actually the second movie in the series) was titled Night Passage. There's a scene depicting Jesse's first act as police chief (which I have bookmarked in my video viewer; in a moment where I'm probably revealing more about myself than I intend, I like to rewatch certain scenes in TV shows/movies, often for reasons I can't explain at the moment I decide to bookmark a scene. Over time, I can identify the source of emotional resonance that's triggered by the scene, and it usually leads to me consciously coming to grips with something that's been buried in my subconscious that I've been carrying around for decades that typically holds me back in some significant way - and I find that I no longer am all that interested in rewatching the scene.

You amateur (or professional) psychologists can make what you will of why I continue to watch Jesse respond to a call concerning domestic abuse. The smarmy ex-husband who habitually violates a TRO is convincingly portrayed by Billy Baldwin. He smugly tells Jesse that he simply goes to court where they issue another TRO, and he's out in about 20 minutes - and that there's nothing Jesse can do about it.  The ex-wife asks if that's true. Jesse agrees that the TRO won't have any effect, but it's not true that Jesse can't do anything about it - and promptly place kicks Billy Baldwin's character in the crotch and then tells the ex-husband that if anything happens to the ex-wife or anything of their children, Jesse will kick the Ex-husband around the town until he looks like roadkill, and if the ex-husband is annoying like he was in their initial conversation, Jesse might well just shoot him. 

All that was actually preamble to the subject of this particular blog entry. (As to why I keep watching it, this scene along with a lot of others reinforces the idea that the good guys get to win and I'm sticking with that for now.) The scene starts with Jesse arriving at the house with the exes quarreling inside. The eldest, a daughter, is waiting outside with an officer, who is told to watch the daughter and make sure that she doesn't come in as Jesse enters the house. There is a second officer waiting inside who tells Jesse that there are two more children upstairs on the second floor. Jesse asks this officer, who he has just met, if he has any children. The officer responds that he has three children of his own. Jesse tells the officer to go upstairs and do what he can to make those children feel safe.

Here ends the preamble. Or maybe not; Tom Selleck has carefully crafted a long and successful career portraying characters who typically do the right thing. I suppose that it shouldn't be a surprise given that he's a co-founder of Character Counts! Choosing to portray Jesse Stone was an unusual choice, because the character of Jesse Stone is clearly damaged as he's an alcoholic who lost his job as a homicide detective in LA as a consequence of drinking, which seems to have started after his wife left him for another man. The point is that despite the things he's experienced, he still instinctively seems to know the 'right' thing to do. 

His first instinct upon arriving is the protect the children - to make them feel safe. That point went by me for years, until I was led to consider the idea that the vast majority of our choices are driven not by intellect, but by emotion. And as long as emotions are a factor it's nearly impossible to have any sort of meaningful conversation on an intellectual level. Learning to embrace this idea has had a profound impact on my ability to teach and communicate in general - when my goal is to try and impart/exchange meaningful information, I make a point of trying to ascertain the emotional state of the other people involved. And if fear is part of the equation is any way, my primary goal is to try and address that fear by making them feel safe. 

This came into play last night while counseling one of the people who used to come to dinner for years. I helped him get a job during the pandemic and he's remained gainfully employed and has been living indoors for over three years. I've broached the subject of getting his GED so he can consider moving up into a position with better hours, or maybe even into a different job that's more convenient commute wise. Last night I went into how often our decisions are based on fear and needing to feel safe before we can make good decisions and he was able to admit that he was afraid of failing, and he needed to be convinced that a plan was a positive thing.