Anyone who knows me well knows I'm an Anthony Bourdain fan. It's not that uncommon; everyone seemingly wanted to be Anthony Bourdain based on the lifestyle he led, traveling to all the places he wanted to visit and getting to try all these different cuisines. But it was more than that. He travelled the world with a humility seeking to learn things he didn't know and to listen to stories of people who otherwise would have no voice. He was smart (and I mean really smart) enough to understand how much he didn't know and able to project that so as to become a perfect guest no matter where he went. But for me, I became a fan after I read a couple of collections of essays he wrote *after* he penned Kitchen Confidential (which put him on the map) called The Nasty Bits (2006), followed by Medium Raw (2010). The best way I can put it is that I felt a resonance, not just intellectually as well as emotionally, but also... morally/ethically in terms of what was right and wrong, that there was a sort of kinship in terms of world view (which has been extremely rare in my experience), even though he was an atheist.
It turned out that his lifestyle and celebrity came at great cost. Although the persona he projected on screen was genuine, he was also an extreme introvert and whenever he went out in public he was typically beset by hordes of adoring fans. It's alleged that shortly before his death he was telling people that he hated his job as a consequence.
It's been five years now since Anthony Bourdain took his own life while filming in France. The world has moved on, but I find myself still mourning his loss. Those closest to him made a documentary about him called Roadrunner, which I've watched. There's clearly a respect for Bourdain in how they presented details leading up to his suicide that are not accusatory in any way, even though they were clearly concerned about how certain things were going on. However, another account written from a sensationalistic perspective provided certain details strongly suggesting that Bourdain took his life due to unrequited love. It was obvious that he was smitten with an actress with whom he'd become involved and actively supported for certain causes and that relationship had had an impact on his work. He went as far as to have her work on an episode he filmed in Hong Kong and the rest of the crew noted how enthused he'd been about that. While filming in France, he saw a picture on social media of his love interest romantically involved with someone else. He texted her to let her know how he felt about that and she allegedly replied "stop busting my balls" to which he replied "ok" - and then hung himself.
Someone I respect once said that the loneliest moment in life occurs when you've given your life to something, and it lets you down. CNN crafted a few episodes to complete the last season, and one episode was dedicated to Anthony Bourdain and it tried to document what he was that made him so successful. The closing shot includes two people sharing what was most meaningful to them. One was a rocker who'd pretty much achieved so many things that no one ever would, and his response was: "...the nicest stuff right now, it's very embarrassing but really - being loved, and appreciating the people that are giving it to me.". The other was a simple shopkeeper: "...and I guess that's what we all want as human beings, isn't it? To be loved, to be cherished." Given the circumstances leading up to his death, I find myself wondering if that was intentional. Either way, it's certainly poignant.
