Little Children

The Scriptures tell us that before we can enter the kingdom of heaven (having been reconciled to God despite our sin and its consequences) we must become like little children yet still be mature in our thinking. What becoming like little children entails would take pages and pages and while I do expect to expound on that eventually, there's a loose thread in the tapestry I want to tug on.

As we embrace characteristics of little children, how then should we interact with those within the kingdom displaying mature thinking? I like how Chesterton expressed his thoughts about the idea in his essay "The Defendant":

The truth is that it is our attitude towards children that is right, and our attitude towards grown-up people that is wrong. Our attitude towards our equals in age consists in a servile solemnity, overlying a considerable degree of indifference or disdain. Our attitude towards children consists in a condescending indulgence, overlying an unfathomable respect. We bow to grown people, take off our hats to them, refrain from contradicting them flatly, but we do not appreciate them properly. We make puppets of children, lecture them, pull their hair, and reverence, love, and fear them. When we reverence anything in the mature, it is their virtues or their wisdom, and this is an easy matter. But we reverence the faults and follies of children. 

The point is that we are probably unintentionally inhibiting others in their development of what God intends for them in reacquiring the qualities of little children. I personally believe that these qualities include having a sense of wonder about everything and when expressed by adults is usually received as naivete and typically belittled as a result - either outwardly or inwardly.

Dance

This'll be the first of many posts concerning the topic of dance.

When I use the term, I am defining it as partner dancing where the couple dance to music and the coordinated movements tend to reflect in some way what is going on in the music. Within this definition there will be three (3) types of dancing. Each types reflects a different set of skill required:

1) Dancing for an audience or judges. this typically involves a choreographed routine set to a specific piece of music. the figures chosen tend to be more for 'show' and are not used in 'social' situations when other dancers share the floor due to the risk of someone getting hurt. There is little to no emphasis on partnering skills, and each person focuses primarily on their own individual technique. Dancers seldom change partners.

2) Dancing for a judge, but with music and partner (within a specific genre) selected at random. This is done primarily in what is typically referred to as 'jack & jill' contests. Couples dance to exhibit their ability to interpret both the music as well as their ability to collaborate with their partners, etc. Partnering skills are a must, but there is also an arbitrary standard for posture/technique/footwork, etc. that prompts individual dancers to choose movements that bring attention to themselves.

3) Dancing for your partner. Interpreting the music is valued, but first and foremost, it's about partnering skills and using them to help your partner have the best possible experience during the dance. This category is the subset of partnered dance that interests me.

Social partnered dance observes etiquette, though specific guidelines vary from genre to genre. What follows tends to be true for all genres.

While all dancers are equal, within any partnership, one partner must assume the responsibility of choosing, suggesting & communicating the movement(s) of the partnership. This role is generally referred to as being the 'lead'. The other partner assumes a role that respects the other partner's choices, generally referred to as being a follow. While the dynamics of any partnership will vary depending on the individuals involved, in an ideal situation, the lead hears the music, notes what his partner is doing, and chooses movements/figures that reflect a sense of lyricism between the music and the movement. The lead, using partnering skills, then invites the partner to perform a movement or figure. It's considered good form for the follow to accept the lead's invitation, but it's subject to safety/discomfort and other concerns; the privileges of the lead are balanced by a responsibility to make 'good' choices. These choices generally involve:

1) how a movement fits the music;
2) the partner's technical ability to perform the selected movement;
3) floorcraft - analyzing if a selected movement or figure risks colliding with something else on the floor, animate or otherwise;
4) analyzing if the selected movement or figure is somehow likely to create a level of discomfort for their partner;

A lead whose choices reflect consideration of all these factors tends to develop a sense of trust on the part of their partners. Conversely, leads whose choices reflect a tendency to ignore these considerations lose trust, and over time, can lead to people avoiding dancing with that person.

It works both ways. Follows who over time demonstrate poor partnering skills or who routinely disregard or ignore the suggestions of the lead in a way that communicates a lack of respect for that particular lead may also find people avoiding dancing with them.

Both leading and following take time to develop, and it's considered good form to dance with people of all skill levels. Indeed, many astute dancers recognize that today's beginner often becomes a popular dancer that everyone wants to dance with - and they typically remember who was kind to them starting out. So beginners tend to be shown a great deal of goodwill and acceptance within the dance community. But that goodwill has its limits; there's also an expectation within a dance community that dancers work to improve their partnering skills to reach a certain level. When it becomes clear that a particular individual demonstrates no interest in improving their skills (all other things being equal - that is to say, not being especially attractive or having some other quality that would prompt people to ask them to dance for reasons other than dancing) the more experienced dancers will tend to avoid dancing with them.

Insanity

What does it mean to be insane?  Circumstances prompted me to grapple with that after an assailant severed the anterior branch of my carotid with a boxcutter and I nearly died. Said assailant went to trial where they were found guilty of premediated attempted murder but the court also found my assailant to be insane so the person who nearly killed me was sent to a mental hospital instead of prison. 

I found my answer in the writings of G.K. Chesteron, specifically in the essay titled "The Maniac" in Chesterton's "Orthodoxy". I find Chesterton's writing to be efficient if not profound in his turn of phrase, so I paraphrase Chesterton at my own peril, but the gist is that anyone we might consider to be mentally insane has not lost their ability to reason; their ability to reason is the only thing they have left! The issue is a limited universe of 'facts', and with only these facts to bear, one cannot help but draw the same conclusion over and over.  I find this explanation to be entirely plausible. However, some (including Chesterton) would have you believe a lack of imagination is the root cause - the inability to imagine that some facts are actually true. Others suggest that the root cause is pride, which results in the need to be right about everything. Perhaps the causes are over-determined, but I submit that they can all be boiled down to a single root cause: fear of loss.

Sometimes the loss is material, in other cases it can be pain in the form of mental anguish, physical pain, or a potential recurrence of an event that resulted in some sort of pain an individual is desperate not to re-experience.

The main point is that fear is not rational. Therefore, it is not possible to 'cure' fear with a rational argument. I would further submit that the most effective way of helping those trapped in fear is to be kind with the goal of making them feel safe enough to consider embracing the pain when it's necessary to do so. The irony is that safety is often just an illusion. Even so, it occurs to me to stop here and take stock in how safe I feel, and why.

Salt

I'm reading a relatively new cookbook called Salt Fat Acid Heat written by Samin Nosrat. She might be cooking's answer to Jacob Collier's impact on music. She's taken a fundamentally different approach to explaining how to cook by defining it into four basic categories in the use of:

- salt; 

- fat; 

- acid;  

- heat;

I'm currently reading the section concerning salt. There are a lot of concepts about salt which I understood/assumed instinctively but never could articulate in any coherent way. For example: Salt has a greater impact on flavor than any other ingredient, and the flavor of salt should be clean, free of unpleasant flavors. 

This brings to mind the biblical metaphor of salt when it comes to flavor. Salt contaminated with impurities cannot be effective, and I suspect that that is the most common interpretation when believers elect to apply this teaching. 

But it occurs to me now that there's possibly a lot more. Salt's contribution to flavor is multidimensional: it has it own particular taste and it enhances the flavor of other ingredients. It minimizes bitterness (which is why some people add salt to coffee), balances out sweetness and enhances aromas. 

Moreover, salt's qualities are dependent on how it's formed which have an impact on its shape, size, color and taste. As a consequence, the same measure of different types of salt can result in under or over salting a particular dish. This is even true of different brands of the same type of salt. In other words, as salt, it's possible to be too much of a good thing, or to be undereffective due to being applied too early, or too late.

Having said that, the biggest mistake in cooking typically is under-salting, and as a result, foods are relatively bland. So the main imperative is to be salt. But even so, some discretion is involved in optimizing salt's impact. More on this later.

What is a Secret Asian Man?

 I and someone named James Woo (and it might have been James who thought of it first) adopted the name Secret Asian Men when we joined forces to run a monthly ballroom dance in the San Fernando Valley. That venture lasted no more than a year or so and we went our separate ways and I ended up co-opting the phrase Secret Asian Man as a response to how asian males are typically portrayed in American mainstream media by the following (and sometimes overlapping) categories:

1) grocers who speak bad English
2) martial artists (including gang members and spies)
3) homosexual
4) geeky lab tech/academic type

I recall back in the 90's when the CW created the series "Vanishing Son" and series star Russell Wong (who is only half asian, BTW) had a caucasian girlfriend, and would connect with other caucasian women when he was on the run. It was a big deal and a topic of conversation amongst my peers. We also noted that there was a fear that the mainstream would somehow assume that all asian men sought to have sex with caucasian women, so in later episodes the character merely befriended women that he met. Even recently, Asian American males have made it a big deal when a Korean actor had (simulated) sex with a caucasian female on the series The Walking Dead.

We can be smart and great at sports like badminton and table tennis, but by and large we remain marginalized by mainstream media. 

We are the secret asian men. We hide in plain sight. And we change the perceptions of the people around us one person at a time. 

Do Ga Ni Tong Quarantine version

We've hit 100+ degree highs all week - not exactly hot soup weather. But here I am, enjoying do ga ni tang this morning in a world where nothing is normal anymore. The ritual of seasoning my soup has been disrupted by the lack of black pepper. None was included in my takeout order. I've ordered takeout because seating is only allowed outdoors, and it's going to be 87 degrees outside by the time I'm done eating.

It's not all bad, the view of the back yard from my window is a serene one. I'm pleased when I see that they've packed a double portion of spicy radish kimchi along with a container of spicy green onion kimchi. The chunks of tendon in my soup are huge. A chunk fills the container with the dipping sauce to the brim, and as I slowly chew through several pieces, I am greatly comforted, perhaps even more due to the contrast of the crunchy radish kimchi, assertive if not downright intrusive in its garlicky spiciness. But it's the spicy green onions/chives that force me to break out in a sweat after a mouthful, and I find myself chewing them longer than I'd expected to. 

The thin plastic takeout bowl has served its function; I've gotten my food home without incident, but it lacks the ability to retain heat the way a regular serving bowl would, and my soup has gotten cold. But I plug on, and after consuming the last large chunk of tendon, I'm pleased to discover much smaller pieces of tendon among the noodles and green onion left in the bowl and i consume them without bothering with the dipping sauce. I finish the last mouthful of rice, discovered that I've reached critical mass, and combine the remaining banchan into a single container, seal it, and contemplate how to spend the rest of my weekend.

Fathers

My father passed away today, about 5pm central time. He is survived by a wife, two children, three grandchildren and five great grandchildren. Our conversations over the last three decades since I left the midwest were typical of many immigrant Chinese and their children in that they revolved around food. In my case, I'd ask what he was making for dinner, he'd tell me and then ask if I was coming home for dinner even though I'd be calling from several time zones away. I'd tell him I didn't think I could get there in time if I drove. We'd laugh, and that would be it until my next phone call. Only now does it occur to me that he was asking me when I was going to visit the next time.

I come from a judeo-christian world view. There are a lot of things about God I don't understand and I never will understand; how can a finite mind fully comprehend the infinite? But there are some things I think I've figured out about God's intent. Like fathers.

The family is designed to have two parents and each parent plays a unique role. I can't find anything to support this in the Scriptures, but I believe that God intended that to help us understand how God can be holy/just and merciful at the same time. Dad is the rule enforcing parent that sends you to your room without dinner and Mom is the parent that sneaks a plate up to your room when Dad is napping or watching TV.  Together, they raise and teach you.

Even in an ideal world where moms typically love unconditionally, dad's love and affirmation often bestowed acknowledgement of a child's level of maturity - and could be withheld. Most significantly, it's my take that only fathers can bestow the acknowledgment of a child passing into adulthood.  I'm reminded of a quote by baseball player Jose Canseco after hitting a home run:

"All-Star Game. Home Run. My dad is here (to witness it). I'm covered." 

While this is important for men, it might be even more important for women; how many women do we know that we describe as having 'daddy issues'?

My father's childhood was far from ideal. He was born into a large poor family in southern China, and his family 'sold' him to a rich family in their village who had lost their only son; my dad took on their family name. Unfortunately his adoptive father was emotionally abusive; according to my mother, who moved in with my grandparents after she married Dad and witnessed Dad being reminded over and over: "You're not my real son. I merely bought you!", and Dad would go into another room and cry.

The bar was set pretty low in terms of an example of fatherhood, and it should have not been a surprise if my father had been much the same way, but he wasn't. Still, our interactions were limited during my childhood. My dad worked 6 days a week, 10 hours a day as a short order cook even though he had been trained as a mechanic in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, he spoke no English when he came to the States. So when I got up for school he was usually still asleep. When he awoke, I was in school. When I came home, he was at work and when he got home, I was in bed. In high school, when he had Wednesdays off, I often had play practice after school, and in the fall, marching band practice after dinner.

Still I'm grateful that Dad in his own way communicated that I had become an adult in his eyes. After graduating from college, it took me over three years to find work in my chosen field of study (computer science). During that time I once had done something to irritate him to which he responded: "You f--k up everything." Fortunately I did eventually do well and he came out to CA every time I bought a new home. However, I got laid off from a job and went unemployed for a pretty long time. My mom worried, but just once, my dad asked: "You got everything covered?". I replied "Yeah." He said: "Ok." and he never brought it up again. That told me he thought I could take care of myself. (What I actually did is another story for another time.)

My father was a big baseball fan. He loved watching the Cleveland Indians (I grew up in NE Ohio) on channel 43 until the Indians went to cable. Starting about 20 years ago (at the urging of my sister  who deserves credit for thinking of it), I took my dad to see a baseball game whenever I visited in the summer, I tried to include days when the Indians were playing at home so I could take Dad to a game. After each visit, Mom would tell me how much Dad bragged to his cronies for weeks how his boy had bought box seats, eaten THREE $12 hot dogs, etc. (that I could afford to do so, not that I was glutton - at least I hope not).

Earlier today, I called shortly before he passed away. According to my sister who was there, once Dad found out it was me on the phone he grabbed for the phone and made noises trying to talk. Unfortunately I couldn't make out anything he tried to say, but it was clear to my sister that Dad was glad to hear from me and that was one of the last things he did.

Any dads out there reading this with adult aged children, and you haven't already done so, PLEASE affirm what they've done to demonstrate their maturity. It'll be one of the best things you ever do for them.

dad diagnosed with covid-19

my father contracted covid-19 earlier this month. at the time of diagnosis, he was still up and about, and initially there was hope he might get through this. however, he became bedridden within a day, and his health deteriorated to the point where he had to be hospitalized requiring 100% oxygen. it wasn't a complete surprise; he's 96 and he has underlying conditions including diabetes.

the level of symptoms varies, but in extreme cases like my father's, covid-19 causes acute respiratory distress syndrome, which after recovery may still result in:
- Limited lung capacity compared to their peers.- Psychiatric issues such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, cognitive impairment, and anxiety, due to the trauma of the illness and treatment.- Kidney complications which could lead to a need for long-term dialysis.- Poor conditioning due to limited lung and/or organ function.
although covid-19 driven ARDS may differ somewhat from sars driven ARDS, it was deemed very likely that even if my father were to recover, he'd be dealing with these long term effects. this understanding greatly influenced our decision to elect for comfort/hospice care for dad a couple of days ago. this level of care is about treating the symptoms and making the patient as comfortable as possible while no longer attempting to cure. under hospice care protocols, his oxygen is being reduced and eventually will be shut down entirely. the plan is to do one last facetime before that happens later today.